PushingUpRoses

tahmfish said: Do they sell TimTams in the US, or do you have to import them?

They sell them at the World Market stores, thank goodness!  The package doesn’t say Tim Tams, but they are absolutely Tim Tams.  Not sure why that is.

starlightsrandomstuff said: 3 questions: What was your first tattoo, Why did you start getting tattoos, and what drove you to start making youtube videos. Great to see other women doing youtubing!

My first tattoo was some Kanji lettering on my right arm.  It’s since been covered up, but the symbols meant “Strength”, “Father”, and “Difference.”  I started getting tattoos because I felt really uncomfortable with myself, and wanted to do something to empower me.  When I was a teenager, I got into a lot of online art groups and I found a few artists who illustrated fantasy characters with piercings and tattoos, and I just thought it was so cool. Aesthetically, body mod has always interested me, and after getting my first tattoo when I was 17, I felt empowered, badass, and rebellious.  Especially since I chose to get it at a less reputable place to by pass the age law back then.  I’ve gotten a lot smarter with my tattoo choices since then;  even though the Kanji is covered, it’s still there. ;)

I started doing YouTube videos for similar purposes.  Beyond just wanting to break a few molds because I noticed there weren’t as many women doing these kind of videos, I also just enjoy it because I am so passionate about retro video games.  They are a huge part of my life that I like to share with other people.  I also want to inspire other women to not be afraid to do this, despite there being some hateful people out there.  Don’t be afraid.  You can be thick skinned, you can get past the obstacles, and you can be yourself.  

vcrfromheck said: I'm planning to get novelty contact lenses, for a play I'm doing this April, but don't normally wear contacts or glasses. What did you experience when getting yours, and do you have advice on the when, where, and how of purchasing, wearing, and looking after such things? (I'll probably get white ones like you have.)

You know, I really didn’t have any problems getting mine.  http://extremesfx.com/ The only problem I had was that I couldn’t get prescription ones, so I can’t see shit when I wear them.  You would take care of them the same way you take care of any other contact lenses!  Same solution, same contact lens case.  I would look through the site I linked and see if there are any you like;  all the prices are listed.  They are actually quite nice if you don’t require a prescription!

Knowing Justin.

In 2010, all I wanted was to be a part of TGWTG.  I remember seeing if I could be an article writer or something small to get my foot in the door with the site.  I just remember it meaning so much to me, if I could just be a part of this group of producers who seemed to love each other and have fun with this medium of video reviews.  Eventually, I did get on the site by doing short little let’s plays with Paw.  But I remember not really knowing anyone on the site.  I don’t find myself to be a shy person at all, but for whatever reason, I had a hard time talking to people.  I remember Justin getting a hold of me via facebook.  He sent me a warm welcome, added me to skype no questions asked, and was in general, very upbeat and friendly.

We got to be friends.  I met him in real life at Magfest 9, 2011.  I remember being terrified of just about everything.  It was my first time being on a panel, my first time meeting other producers, and my first time as a personality that people recognized.  When I met Justin, his face literally lit up, and even though we had never met, he was so happy to meet me, and insisted I take a picture.  I bitched about it in classic Roses “Oh come on, don’t take my fucking picture.  Oh FINE.  Take it.”  I saw the picture later and thought, “Oh man, that’s a lovely picture!  I’m glad I took that.  ARE MY GLASSES CROOKED?  Oh well.”

image

Around the middle of 2011 to mid 2012, something in me seriously started to snap, and I found myself having a hard time.  Despite my feelings, I decided to go to E3.  Unsurprisingly, I was miserable.  I was crying a lot.  Justin called me and consoled me while I was in my in my hotel room.  I met up with him on the floor, near tears, and he invited me to spend the day with him, Mark, and Samantha.  He made my E3 experience tolerable.  He made sure to not leave T-Bone and myself out of anything.  The next day, we went to the arcade and we had a ball.  He knew I was feeling glum, and honestly, I was probably a complete and utter drag at E3, but he made it something I could get through.

After a longish hiatus from the internet (a hiatus in which I worked hard to recover from my own suicide attempts), I slowly let people back into my life.  Justin was one of the first.  We talked a lot about what had happened.  About how I felt shunned, unloved, like a failure, but I assured him that I had come back and that I was going to change my life, come hell or high water.  Sometimes, he would respond with “I know how you feel, Roses…” But he was always more concerned about my well being than his own, and more often than not, he would not elaborate on his feelings.  But he would continually check up on me to make sure I was still on the right path, and he passed no judgement on me.  Because he was just not that type of person.  In fact, I would go as far to say that Justin was the least judgmental person I had ever met.

Sometimes we commiserated together.  General feelings of not fitting in.  But he always spoke with hope and confidence, and he never gave me any indication that there was something darker underneath.  But looking back now, I can’t help but feel angry and overwhelmed.  Remembering him saying he wanted to keep me around, and now knowing that I can’t be there for him is about the worst pain I’ve ever felt in my entire life.  I knew some things brought him down, but I never thought it could lead to something so severe.  I know that feeling right before you consider taking your life.  That feeling of not having a way out.  Of complete and under pain and worthlessness, and when I think about it, I feel like throwing up.  Justin… you were loved.  I wish I could have made you feel the way you made me feel when we spoke.  I know that it’s irrational to dwell on the past, but I can’t help but feel angry.  Not at Justin.  Just at the situation.

So I offer everyone this:  don’t take anyone for granted.  And never, ever accuse someone’s problems of being dumb, or not worth discussing.  We all react to things differently, and we are all affected by different things.  Do not ever brush things off.  Trivial things are sometimes more important than you think.  Holding onto grudges and stupid…stupid arguments.  Why?  There’s no point.  There’s more to life than that.  We’re all people, here.  We’re all trying to find something to make us happy in this life together.  Tell someone you love them.  That could make a difference.  That could change someone’s mind.  

My love and sympathies go out to anyone feeling low and fucked up.  I know I am feeling about a million different ways of fucked up right now.  But I know it will get better, too.  And I will always remember Justin as a hopeful person who reminded me of why I came back, and why I started befriended people again.  Because people are worth befriending.  And people are worth your time.

Much love.

pushinuproses said: Who is your favorite Mike Dawson character?

peanutbuttergamer:

I’m fond of Mike Dawson, myself. But I can understand why others are more into Mike Dawson.

stevejones313 said: We've all heard of Goodwin's Law ("As an online discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches 1.") and Murphey's Law ("Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.") and Newton's First Law ("The first law states that if the net force (the vector sum of all forces acting on an object) is zero, then the velocity of the object is constant"). My question is, if you had your own set of laws, what would PushingUpRoses' First Law be?

The PushingUpRoses law:  As technology expands and grows with new methods of development and complex new hardware, the more you will set motherboards on fire.

clamurtits said: How do you stay so fucking awesome?

Daily hygiene.  

starlightsrandomstuff said: When did you first decide to get so many wonderful tattooes? What draws you to them?

I got my first tattoo when I was 17.  At the time, I thought I would get only one.  It was a slow buildup to what I have today.  The history and culture behind body mod intrigues me highly and I am continually researching/reading about it.  I also feel beautiful and powerful with my tattoos.  We all make aesthetic choices based on what we feel suits us the best.  Tattoos suit my personal standards the best.

kezzup said: Raisin bran. But enough about me, what did YOU have for breakfast?

I had a waffle.  Multi-grain waffle.  With buttah.