[NameWithheld]: Why did you block me
[Me]: Because you’re stupid, and I don’t like you.
[NameWithheld]: That’s fucking censorship, stop censoring my comments
[Me]: Me not liking you and thinking you are stupid is censorship? I’m sorry, but I have no problem “censoring” your stupidity. Trust me, you’re not making any revolutionary statements anytime soon. No one is missing out, you wordsmith, you.
[NameWithheld]: I should be able to say whatever the fuck I want to you it’s not my fault if you can’t handle it
[Me]: And it’s not my fault that you don’t know what a comma is. And that you’re stupid.
[NameWithheld]: Your a fucking fat cow, bitch Choke on my dick you don’t believe in freedom of speech
[Me]: Ah, let me guess. You can’t think of anything even remotely clever to respond with because you know you’re being dumb. So instead of making a rational argument, you’re tossing out personal slights because you don’t know what the fuck to do. See, people do that. When people dislike other people, they bring out personal slights to make themselves feel better. Otherwise, people wouldn’t do it. So you’re frustrated and your opinion makes no sense, so a personal insult is your best bet. How far off am I?
[Me]: Look at it this way: If you made insanely dense sounding comments to me in real life, face to face, I would sock you in the teeth. See, that’s not censorship or denying you the right to say these things on OTHER public avenues. That’s just the *consequence* you suffer for being an asswad. But see, I can’t reach you from here. Besides, you claim to not like me, so I feel that blocking you on [media site] is doing you a favor. Now you don’t EVER have to see me ever again. I’m nice like that.
[Me]: Why aren’t you responding to me? I thought we were covering some good ground. Don’t be sad. Like I said, there ARE other public avenues. Did you notice you’re on the internet? (I followed this up with a couple more prodding messages, which were likely equally annoying. I also linked him to a LOLcat, and didn’t get a response.)
[Name Withheld]: stop messaging me bitch
[Name Withheld]: Im blocking you
[Me]: You’re censoring me.
And then I was blocked. Sad panda.
Hello everyone. I’m working extra hard to save up money for the near future; to perhaps go back to school, extend my education, learn new things. I’ve been painting and selling art on top of video making. If anyone is interested, I set up a shop on eBay, and I would be very appreciative if anyone reblogged or shared this post. Even if you don’t want to buy anything, just sharing this link would show great support and I would love you (platonically) for it. (if my art isn’t your thing, no obligation to share. I would understand.)
http://www.ebay.com/usr/pushinguproses <—Here is the link!
And below is an example of my work to intrigue you. Thank you in advance.
I am long overdue for a blog post. I can’t even tell you guys how many times I actually sit down and type a single word in a blank document (the word is usually the title that I center in the middle of the document. Then I bold it. Because I’m so professional.) The document sits there, unsaved, open in my task bar for weeks. Then I close it without saving. Then weeks later, I look for said document, thinking, “Fuck, I should have saved it! That was a good title!”
Anyway, tomorrow is Thanksgiving. Like many others before me who have the motivation to actually write in a timely manner, I’d like to express some gratitude. Some thanks.
As many of you know, the last couple years, particularly the summer of 2012, was very hard for me. I had written about past overdoses, I had taken months off from the internet to recover from heartache and illness, and when I came back, though it was easier, still felt haunted and judged by many people. I never fully recovered from those feelings, but I moved forward and made amazing new friends, and even rekindled some old friendships. I still haven’t been completely candid about my situation, and it seems like there is never a right time to continue that saved document with the centered title, but maybe I can be brave someday and write more.
It’s disheartening when you don’t receive the support you’d like from people who have long sailed out of your life. You want to sit there and linger, or grab them and shake them into seeing how much better you are. Or get some Carrie bullshit going on. (No, seriously, I get insane satisfaction from seeing people choke on their words. Ahem. Sorry.) But you can’t. But what you can do is do everything you set out to do. You can prove people wrong, you can turn your life around, and you can eat as much pizza as you want. You’ll be judged, but not by your friends. Okay, maybe by your friends too, but not harshly. I am grateful for the people who were patient enough to get to know me to any kind of real degree.
I”m a girl with a lot to prove. I want to prove things to others, but more so, I want to prove things to myself. I’ve been like that for a long time. Sometimes I will go for weeks, maybe months, completely trapped in my own head with very little relief. So I create goals for myself and I surround myself with people who understand me, my dreams, and who I am. There are people who have said “Fuck this, she’s too difficult. I don’t want ANY of that.” And then there are those who viewed my complexities as a good thing, and stayed. And those people found my presence good, and worthy of their time. Thank you to those people who saw the good side of me. The side who loves art, music, tattoos, and writing farcical videos on the internet. As I said, I get an insane feeling of satisfaction when I can make people eat their words. I’m an aggressive gal, and I don’t let people get away with anything without knowing that I achieved success. So even when people “don’t want to deal with me”, nobody can say in confidence that I didn’t try my goddamn fucking best, and nobody can say that I didn’t turn things completely around. Eat your words. I’m proud of myself. And I am glad I am the way I am, because I genuinely want to help other people by expressing my experiences, and that includes even the dark times. Even the darkest times are valuable and worthwhile as long as you learned something. I am grateful for the receptive people who I impacted in positive ways.
I’m grateful I found a creative outlet to help me get through my days. Videos, mostly, but also painting and music, and sometimes just opening a text message and having a good conversation with someone I love. I’m not close with my family. I chose my family. I chose who I need and desire to be around, and I love my motley group of non blood related kin.
I am grateful just to be alive. To be given more chances.
And I am thankful for food, because without it, I am not exactly sure what I would do. In fact, I voted for pizza for Thanksgiving Day dinner, but it was immediately veto’d. What a crock of bullshit.
So I wish everyone a happy Thanksgiving, and continually thank you, my close friends, and food, for keeping me in line and making my days brighter. I dare say that I am the happiest I have ever been. Even though it’s not perfect, and I still struggle (almost daily), the weight on my shoulders has been lessened significantly mostly in part to everything I just wrote about. I hope wherever you are in your life right now, whatever state you are in or whatever situation you are in, that you can find something to be grateful for.
Okay, that’s it for now, peeps! Thanks for the questions! I’ll answer more some other time. :)
euron131 asked: this isn't much of a question, but I've been following your work since back on TGWTG, and now seeing you grow on youtube and befriending awesome people like PBG and Jirard and everyone is really neat and awesome to me, and I'm really glad to see you doing well on youtube! Keep strong and stay well!
Thank you very much! I very much like to meet new people. Especially people who I look up to. YouTube is an interesting experience - I’ve learned a lot and met a lot of wonderful people.
merxamers asked: Do you like to read, and if so, what?
I love to read. I actually studied fiction writing in college, and for the longest time, I wanted to be a writer. I’m a huge Stephen King, Agatha Christie, Franz Kafka, and J.A. Konrath fan. On occasion, I enjoy Terry Pratchett. I also like a good biography, such as “Masters of Doom.” I read poetry when I can, too.